Ah, the 1980s—a decade where everything was bigger: the music, the fashion, and most importantly, the hair. If you didn’t have at least six inches of teased, poofy glory sitting atop your head, were you even trying?
Back then, women didn’t just have hairstyles. They had architectural feats. Hair wasn’t so much styled as it was constructed. Each follicle was meticulously teased, curled, and doused in hairspray to withstand hurricane-force winds. A perm wasn’t an option; it was practically a requirement if you wanted to keep your street cred.
The Poof Factor
Poofy hair was more than just a style—it was a statement. A big one. If you were a woman in the 1980s, you spent hours in front of the mirror teasing your hair until it looked like a cotton candy explosion had settled on your scalp. Bigger was better, and if you weren’t getting stuck in doorways because of the volume of your hair, you weren’t doing it right.
Enter Aquanet, the unsung hero of the 80s. You could smell it before you saw it. Aquanet wasn’t just hairspray—it was hair cement. A few good spritzes and you could deflect small objects, maybe even low-flying aircraft. That stuff was so strong it probably doubled as bug spray in a pinch.
Perms: The Curly Queen’s Crown
And let’s not forget the perm, the crowning glory of 1980s hair. If your hair didn’t look like a curly fries factory exploded on your head, were you even alive? Getting a perm was a day-long event that involved enough chemicals to make you feel like you were working in a secret lab. But the results? Glorious, springy, unpredictable curls that gave you that “I woke up like this—six hours ago and with the help of a professional” look.
Perms didn’t discriminate either. Whether your hair was naturally straight, wavy, or a little frizzy, there was a perm for you. There was even the spiral perm—for the woman who wanted to look like she got struck by lightning, but in the chicest way possible.
The Mall Bangs Phenomenon
Of course, we can’t talk about 1980s hair without mentioning mall bangs. These weren’t your run-of-the-mill bangs. No, these bangs were fluffed, teased, and curled into a mini-mountain of hair that cascaded gently over your forehead, like the frothy crest of a tidal wave. The higher they stood, the closer you got to being a fashion deity.
Mall bangs were the ultimate accessory. They went with your neon scrunchies, jelly bracelets, and acid-wash jeans like peanut butter goes with jelly (the food, not the bracelets). And don’t let the name fool you—mall bangs weren’t just for mall visits. They were for school, dates, family dinners, and even aerobics classes. Because what’s a workout if your bangs aren’t perfectly sculpted?
Hair Accessories That Deserved Their Own Spotlight
Women of the 80s didn’t stop at big hair; they accessorized it with the dedication of someone training for the Olympics. Hair wasn’t complete without a giant, brightly colored scrunchie or a rhinestone-studded headband. Banana clips were also a thing, because why settle for one level of volume when you could have two? These magical clips could turn your hair into a majestic fountain of curls cascading down your back.
Of course, crimping irons were the unsung heroes of the accessory world. They added that special zigzag texture that made it look like you got electrocuted (on purpose). Crimped hair could be mixed and matched with curly or straight styles, because why limit yourself to one look when you could do it all?
Hair-Splitting Dedication
Women in the 80s were nothing if not committed to their hair routines. With this kind of dedication, they probably could have become astronauts, surgeons, or even invented the iPhone. But no, they channeled that energy into making sure their bangs defied gravity. Some even carried a portable can of hairspray with them—just in case their carefully sculpted poof started to deflate in the middle of the day.
1980s women weren’t just fashionistas—they were hair warriors. They didn’t bat an eye at the time and energy it took to achieve the perfect balance between poofy, curly, and crispy. These women could enter a room three seconds before the rest of their body, thanks to the size of their hair. Their styles were legendary, and let’s be honest, a part of all of us still yearns for the day when mall bangs and spiral perms come back in full force.
Until then, may your hair be full of volume, your curls spring eternal, and your Aquanet can never run dry.
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